This post is one of my workshop programs, this one offered as part of an eight-week series on SoulCare hosted Center for Spiritual Journey in Chatham, MA. It's entitled "Walking your Life Path." You'll find the text of the program below, along with a pdf version you can save and an audio version if you prefer to listen. (The audio version does not have the full text of the suggested exercises.)
As a life coach, this is my favorite topic ... not just because this is my life path, but because while our journeys are uniquely our own, the paths we walk along the way are strikingly similar. This workshop is normally the focus of a 6 - 12 month program in personal coaching; so here you'll find an introduction and a framework for the journey, as well as exercises to help you chart your course.
Join me ... on an exploration of what's possible in life ... for you!
Choosing Your Path Forward
Bradford L Glass – brad@roadnottaken.com
Introductory Exercise
For minute or so, sit quietly, relax, take a few deep breaths. Bring your awareness to the present moment. Just breathe. Close your eyes if you like. Let the day’s concerns fall away; allow the potential of now to enter your awareness. Just be with yourself in this moment. Just you and your awareness.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … …
As you continue to relax into the present moment, notice if, while “being quiet,” you heard “stuff” going on in your head. Like most, you may have found thoughts that got in the way of being quiet … (like this is dumb; I’ve got so much to do tomorrow; I’ve had a bad day) … those thoughts. I think of them as “voices in your head” … because that’s what they ARE. We all have them; they run 24/7. If you think this doesn’t apply to you, it does. They’re thoughts; they’re in there.
A proper meditation asks you to let these thoughts go as they occur, perhaps watching them pass like clouds in a summer sky, bringing awareness back to now. I invite something different here. As each thought arises … stop and stare at it instead. Notice it … not to judge it, or change it, but to get to know it. Bring your awareness to each thought as it shows up … so you get to know its message, maybe even where it came from. After you get a sense of its “story line,” then let it go … and return to your quiet. For example, if you notice a thought that told you how much you need to do tomorrow … just stare at it, hear its voice, see if you can understand what it’s saying, where it came from, how you react to it. Stay with this a bit more, remaining silent, but noticing thoughts as they arise.
… … … … … … … … … … … … … …
As you slowly come back to now, draw your awareness to how it felt to be the observer of you, not just “you.” This exercise is not meant to make you find thoughts, but to build your awareness that they’re already there. It not only gives you a sense of what’s going on in your mind (a lot … ONE huge factor in walking your path) but offers felt experience of becoming the observer of your mind, not just a participant in it (ANOTHER huge factor in walking your path).
“Quiet time” is rarely quiet. Just notice that … and why it’s not.
Walking Your Path
There are three aspects of your path in life; (we’ll explore each one):
· Your journey is deeply personal … get to know who the “unique you” is … clue: the answer is already inside you. It’s the “you” that you can’t not be. (purpose, soul, longing, authentic self)
· The voices in your head are uniquely your own, too; and they have the power to stop you; get to know them … so they won’t!
· Walking it … every day … on purpose … by becoming aware enough to remember the first two!
I listen a lot. I notice a lot. It’s what I do. And I see few people walking their true path. So I’ve become a student of why this is so. And I’ve learned that two opposing forces impact our lives … at the same time: one pulls us toward our true self, the other holds us back from it.
1) We are beings of limitless potential. There’s a unique “seed” inside each of us … a seed that knows its own way – and wants to express itself through how we live our lives. That’s the authentic you. You have “clues” to this longing many times each day. We’ve also been endowed with a power of consciousness … to manifest our truth. It’s as if life is an invitation to become this potential. “Simple, right?”
2) Yet we rarely become what life is; we become what we learn life is. Instead of learning about life as potential, we often learn what keeps us from it – life “should” be a certain way; we’re not good enough; we need to get it right, achieve, be socially acceptable, not rock the boat. Sound familiar? These lessons become the voices in your head. They’ve lived there so long you not only believe them, but don’t even notice they’re there! They’re telling you to be someone you’re not, at the expense of who you are. Until you notice! Really, as a kid did you ever hear “go to your room and ponder your true purpose?” I know I didn’t.
What we learned is illusion … a story, made up by others, a story that reminds us (in each moment) of who we’re NOT. Life doesn’t keep you from your truth; believing the stories does.
Both these forces are at work at the same time! So without full-time conscious awareness of it, we’re more likely living the voices in our head (unconsciously) than the longing in our soul (consciously). And those voices tell us to be afraid to live our truth! And we don’t know that – until we notice. And we don’t believe it – until we notice. And we just can’t imagine the voices have power over us – until we notice they DO.
So the big not-so-secret is this:
Living your truth is not about knowing more, trying harder, luck, money or connections. It’s about growing the conscious awareness of what’s objectively true for you … right now (both the “real you” and what stops you from becoming it). Your own awareness … in this moment … is the most powerful tool you will ever have to evoke change … in the next moment.
With that … The Theme of this Journey … from Mark Twain
“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
Brad’s “Bio”
As a kid, I was taught to be a perfectionist – that “getting things right” was the only way I could be loved, or lovable. (Back then, I thought this was really about ME, not my dad’s judgment … so I got good at it … good at fixing things, getting things right – as a way to be loved.) The business world loved me … I worked hard … trying to get it right.
For years, I managed big software organizations. I inherited a coach; he saw through me. But to ME, he got in my way … of doing more. In trying to convert me from a “human doing” into a “human being,” he once “made me” spend a morning with him and a bunch of monks. I hated it. I was scared. But it changed my world … almost overnight. Their worldview was intriguing … and so big compared to mine. It was rooted in an idea, a thought – that life was pure potential – but its impact was purely experiential, which, as an engineer and science guy, was hard to swallow. I had been eating well, but I was starving.
He also suggested I might use my “horsepower” not to get it right but to help others get it right. It took years for this, which was my “unique seed,” to germinate, but I’ve never looked back. None of this story matches my resumé, by the way. That’s because, although my resumé may “read good,” I see it as nothing more than a trail of breadcrumbs I left behind while trying to find my way in life.
What I experience now is a sense of gratitude for this life I’ve been given … and I’ve been able to let the “achievement” thing pass on by. The only missing ingredient for me in ALL of this … was … awareness.
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From here out, think of your life as a story, perhaps a movie … with you as its star. Based on what we’ve seen so far, here’s how it goes: (see if/how you find “you” in this picture)
- You’re star of your story … even if the story was made up by others.
- You’re director, too … even if the story says don’t change the script.
- The story may not be true; but you believe it anyway.
- Yet you wonder … why today looks a lot like yesterday.
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- Life doesn’t hold you back … believing the stories does.
- The biggest opportunity you’ll ever have … get to know the stories.
- To do that: become the audience in your life, not only its star.
- As observer, you see your potential … and what keeps you from it.
- Your growing awareness lets you choose your story… as you walk.
- THAT is the journey of your unique self.
A little trick here. You don’t need this level of awareness to navigate an ordinary day. Yet living your truth is not an ordinary day; it asks for more. Yet that’s ALL it asks! Awareness. And you grow that with daily practice of quiet self-reflection … as in introductory exercise.
Because we rarely learn the power of self-reflection … or practice … or awareness, we tend to deny that they hold more power than the “know more, try harder” approach we DID learn. A bold prediction here: if you choose to “think” about a daily practice but not adopt one, then it’s likely your tomorrows will look a lot like yesterday! Awareness creates change. I claim that if you experience struggle (anywhere in life, with any task, conversation, idea or issue), it’s not a problem to be solved, but a signal that your awareness has lapsed and you’re a bit off-track. The “work” here is just to regain awareness, perhaps by stepping back.
With that … The Work of this Journey … from Thoreau
“Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature,
and not be thrown off track by every nutshell and
mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.”
A 3-part exercise: (to offer this felt experience of awareness. Think of this as an outline/intro to YOUR ongoing daily practice)
Until now, you’ve been star in your story – perhaps unknowingly following a script made up by others.
Today you practiced being the audience in your story – consciously noticing the script. It showed up as voices in your head, “thoughts.”
Now I invite you to be director – intentionally choosing the script so as to match your true path in life.
1. Authentic You: Bring awareness to your inner longing, dreams for how life might be; maybe the quietest “voice in your head,” the one inviting you to nurture the seed of your authentic self. See if you can connect with this deepest part of you. Just listen. Clue: the “real you” is when you feel “the MOST YOU.” If you already know “the real you,” be with it. If you don’t, or don’t find it … just imagine for a bit.
2. Your Potential: From this experience, envision your life as a movie … with you living your dreams, evoking the heart, soul and spirit of the you you perhaps don’t yet know is in there. Imagine greeting each day with free energy inside you that can’t wait to express itself through how you live. Imagine the peace, meaning and fulfillment of being your true self. Imagine that IS your true self.
This exercise isn’t about planning the future; it’s about remembering the future … by giving your dreams energy, the space to manifest. As you replay your movie in your mind 10 min. a day … forever … you cement the story you’d love to live. Your “memory of the future” fools the unconscious into NOT seeing it as scary. Fall in love with your movie. It’s your dream; what’s not to love, right? And this isn’t Hollywood: you need sell only one copy – to yourself.
3. Manifesting: After envisioning in this way for a while, take a small step into your movie each day. It doesn’t matter what the step is; it’s not about making your vision happen … but gaining felt experience of becoming it. (For today, you might just imagine a step you could take; imagine doing it, how it feels to step into your truth this way.)
Your path is experienced, not planned. The suggested exercises in the handout help you experience it. You don’t do them; you become them, making each an everyday part of you. Our intro was a sample of one of them, “notice your thoughts.” We just did a quick hybrid of “discover your true self” and “begin to walk it.” Your commitment here will create your own personal felt experience – of YOU.
Breakout Prompts
These exercises are the walking. Envisioning pulls you ahead; the voices in your head try to stop you; awareness lets you choose which you honor. What did you learn about yourself in these dimensions?
Which of the thoughts/voices you heard is the real you? How do you know? DO you know? How might you learn to clearly recognize this voice in the midst of the others, so you can listen only to its truth?
Re-Group, Wrap-Up
You create your unique path by walking it. Adopting the suggested exercises as your daily companion 1) opens your unique path ahead of you, 2) draws you onto it, 3) exposes the obstacles along the way, 4) guides your journey. And its only tool is conscious awareness.
I know of no other path to living the life you’re here to live with the power that daily self-reflection holds. Your two new best friends: 1) be the audience; (2) be the director. Awareness and choice!!
Summary: Don’t make life happen; Allow life to happen. Awareness does the work. Daily practice builds the awareness! Analogy: when you build a house, you make the house. When you tend a garden, you nurture conditions – water, soil, light, weeding. You don’t make roses grow; they grow on their own! Same here. No amount of trying could ever do this. Voices in your head will always be there. As you learn to identify them, you can choose to ignore them, not follow them (down everybody else’s dead-end street).
Nurture your awareness; let it do the work.
With that … The Outcome of this Journey … from Kahlil Gibran
“The veil that clouds your eyes will be
lifted by the hands that wove it.”
Thank you! Send me an email if you get stuck; I’m here. I mean that.
Suggested Exercises
You don’t do these exercises; you become them … with daily practice … gradually shifting your role as you go … from star … to audience … to director … to moderator.
Observe your thoughts: As star in your movie, you play a part, with little awareness of the script (thoughts) that created it. As audience, you listen for the thoughts/voices, not to them. Stop 3-4 times a day. Replay in your mind thoughts you’ve had since the last replay. But instead of watching them pass by like clouds, listen … for what they say. Get to know them. Resist judging or trying to change. Just learn.
Envision your future as a movie. Again as audience in your story, sit quietly; imagine your life as a movie.
Part I: Discover the authentic YOU. Here … be the audience. Replay aspects of your life, one at a time (maybe school, work, relationships, hobbies, projects). For each, ask: What always drew me? Who was I always being? What did I imagine? What did I consistently do even if I didn’t gain approval? After this, see what’s common across lists, clues to the real you. Imagine the “you” that may be emerging.
Part II: Envision living your truth. Here … be the director. A director knows anything can come next; change the script – to what evokes your potential. A vision is not a plan for the future, but a way to give your dreams energy, and space to manifest. In your mind, create a movie of your future, with you living your dreams, evoking the heart, soul & spirit of the “you” you’ve perhaps never seen. Do this exercise regularly, adding details. Fall in love with your movie. You need sell only one copy … to yourself!
BE your truth. Each day: (1) Envision what’s possible. (2) Take one action step into your vision, any step that energizes your dream. (3) Let go of outcomes; trust the process; focus on being. (4) Listen; your actions create felt experience (feedback) that leads you to your truth. The result? (1) Illusion disappears. (2) Possibility opens. Repeat.
Sustain. You create life’s path by walking it; not by having it laid out ahead of time. Notice you being you – you’re now moderator of your life. With self-care, you come to realize your life is what you create, in each moment, with your thoughts, words, actions. Subtly, you shift from trusting the opinions of others to trusting your inner truth. From there, there’s just no stopping you!