Purposeful Wanderings - Bradford L. Glass - February 2025
“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” – Ram Dass
I’m often asked by clients and friends how to experience more calm … in themselves, their lives, the world … to be more mindful than mind full. Although the path to peace has always been inside us, my conversations suggest they want a “fix” instead, claiming that “walking a path” is too hard, odd, inconvenient, time-consuming. It’s not.
Activities like exercise, games, projects and socializing are alluring because they take you OUT of your mind’s chatter … offering a brief felt experience of the present moment. Yet they’re distractions, too, for their benefit (mindful) lasts only as long as you’re doing the activity. When you stop, your mind goes right back to mind full. If that’s “good enough” for you, ok. But if you’re intrigued by the idea of lasting peace – a mindfulness that persists while you’re IN your everyday life, not just of OUT of it – here’s a perspective and a practice on “walking the path” each day. The best part is that everything you need is already (and has always been) inside you. And it works.
We often blame not peace on life, the past, emotions, people. Not so. The obstacle is our mind, which is filled with thoughts … thoughts we don’t even know we’re having … thoughts that stop us from what we want and who we really are (mind full vs. mindful). But with no reason to believe this, we think it’s not worth looking there. It is.
In reality, we’re walking a path each day anyway, consciously or not. Each step we take writes the next lines in our life’s story. In this sense, the “work” here is to learn to walk with conscious awareness (mindful) in this moment … and not “mind full” … of unconscious thoughts … which take us to the past (anger, guilt, resentment over what did/didn’t happen) or to the future, (anxiety, dread, worry over what hasn’t/might(not) happen). This moment – now – is the only moment anything can happen. If we could see this, we could change course. But we miss it, thinking it’s “just the way life is.” It’s not.
If the mind’s chatter deprives us of the present, what if we find out why … instead of getting lost in it, fighting it or distracting ourselves from it? That means turning your gaze inward, to what’s happening inside you. You do that by becoming a conscious observer of what’s going on, not an unconscious participant. See the exercise, but simply stated: stop, look, listen; awareness of yourself – in this moment – will teach you all you need to know.
By becoming the audience in your life, you see today’s struggles; you see why they’re there; you see where they came from; and you see the true you – the one living underneath those struggles ... and opinions … and beliefs … and assumptions. You see how those things create a “pretend” self – that you think is who you really are! It’s not.
The thoughts running around in your head just want to be heard. So, hear them! Get to know them; recognize them; make friends if you like (just don’t take them to dinner). This asks only for your five senses; you already have those! No need to go “out there” in search of anything! It’s not there.
The most powerful tool you’ll ever have to create the way it could be tomorrow is to gain non-judgmental clarity, awareness & acceptance of the way it is today. Being an observer creates distance between you and your thoughts … so you see you, in this moment. You can’t gain this clarity as participant alone (the participant runs down the street with the mind’s drama; the observerlearns from it instead). Awareness opens you to choices unavailable while you’re “in it.” This practice goes a step beyond meditation, which asks you to recognize that thoughts are in there, but to then let them go. As you recognize negative thoughts, you learn to ignore negative thoughts. As the impact of these thoughts wanes, you’re left with the real you – curious, self-trusting, non-judgmental, mindful.
Exercise: A Daily Practice. For 15 min. each day: Show up … Shut up … Sit still … Listen. That’s it! Silence focuses awareness on this moment (that’s the moment you usually miss while you [unknowingly] allow the mind to take you to the past or future instead!). With time, you learn to identify yourself with the silence inside you, not the noise all around you (or in your head). Be patient. Just “showing up each day” is progress! Do this (and no more) for several days, maybe weeks, to get used to experiencing this quiet time … being with yourself. Celebrate just “showing up each day.” If you hate it, do it anyway (that’s just a thought!).
After gaining comfort being with yourself in silence, shift your gaze. Use the 15 min. of silence each day to view your life as a movie. As its star, you’ve been playing a part, often with little awareness of the script (thoughts) that created it. Most days, this is the “way life is.” BUT … by becoming the audience in your movie/life, you listen for the thoughts/voices in your head, not tothem. You can observe yourself by 1) noticing what’s happening right now, or 2) mentally replaying a day/event/situation that’s already passed. Your awareness allows you to see how your thoughts are robbing you of the present … to see how thoughts are “having their way with you” and see how you’ve been (unconsciously) letting them do it. The thoughts will always be there, but as you come to recognize them, you no longer join the drama of their message. You no longer need to judge/change/fix/follow them; just get to know them! Listen … to your body (what do you feel?) … to your thoughts (what’s going on in your mind?) … to your intuition (what do you just “know?”) … to the relationship between “observer” and “participant.” Write down what you learn. Over time, your awareness alone calms your mind for the long term. As you calm, you go (naturally) from mind-full to mindful. A cool result of your mindfulness: the nonsense of life, others and the world just doesn’t bother you anymore … you’re just “watching the show.” Peace.
Life lessons from nature: We’re often taught that being silent means we’re unproductive, so we fill our lives with noise, then wonder why we feel uncomfortable being alone with ourselves. Nature, by contrast, exists against a backdrop of silence. Despite the noise a crow can make, it’s silent most of the time. A noisy bobcat fails as a hunter. Trees make no noise as they grow or shed their leaves. Waves make noise, yet they don’t “disturb.” It’s all opposite the model we follow, yet nature displays much of what we’d love – resilience, balance, integrity, peace, productivity. Reconnect yourself with this deepest part of you. You are inseparable from that. Walk in the woods; watch a sunset; sit under a tree for a while; watch it get dark … ok, even take a back road home from the mall.
Book of the month: Embers, by Richard Wagamese. This is perhaps the perfect antidote to our obsession with a world outsideourselves. Embers offers a path back to the world inside. As do I, you may find his words evoking a truth uniquely your own. It’s perhaps my favorite book on getting to know your inner world. A few samples:
I am a traveler on a sacred journey through this one shining day.
I keep what’s true in front of me (my heart and my silence). I won’t get lost that way. I pack light.
I don’t tire myself with unnecessary stuff, like my head, my talk.
To live in ceremony is the greatest and truest gift I can give to myself.
All we have are moments. Live them as though not one can be wasted. Inhabit them, fill them with the light of your best good intention, honor them with your full presence, find the joy, calm, assuredness that allows the hours and the days to take care of themselves. If we can do that, we will have lived.
And, just to offer contrast, my favorite on connecting your true self with the outer world is On the Brink of Everything, by Parker Palmer. Says it’s about getting older, but I find it so powerful about self-discovery in general. A few samples:
Once I understand I’m not the sun, I can get out of the sun’s way and stop casting shadows. I can step aside to let the true sun shine on everyone/ everything, making all things ripe with life’s glow.
As time lengthens like a shadow behind me, and as the time ahead dwindles, my overriding feeling is gratitude for the gift of life.